Archive for September, 2011

Secret Blogging – Flash Card Dangers

Thursday, September 22nd, 2011
I meant to write a post about the time last weekend that I biked 46 miles. But I didn’t because I’m wicked busy. I might still post it but there is only so much time for secret blogging so here it is.
Our company retreat is in like a week. Our corporate office just posted a company-wide employee photo list with the suggestion, “Get familiar with F&P Staff before the retreat!” So I acted on instinct (and the exclamation point) and decided to print the list, make flash cards, practice 10 per day, and memorize the entire company facebook by next Friday. It wasn’t a minute after making this decision that I stopped clapping, got the shakes, and started sweating storyofmylife?  At first I though wtf FOOD POISONING? before I realized that making flash cards and practicing 10 per day felt terrible and also terribly familiar because there once was a time in the history of feelings when I did just that and that was the Great GRE Tragedy of 2008 which was subsequently followed by a week-long blogless feelings coma and I looked it up and the long-term effect is called Flash Cards PTSD. To make matters worse, after remembering/suffering the memory of the Great GRE Tragedy of 2008 I then thought ahead to Company Retreat Weekend Extravaganza 2011 and a vision of my photo-face-memorizing strategy going public during retreat weekend (Hey, did you hear Alice from San Jose memorized everyone’s name??) and getting asked to stand in the middle of an employee hand-holding circle where I would be asked to point to each employee and announce their name one by one until I get to the CEO and blank and faint and get fired.
Are these the type of anxiety episodes I’m supposed to report to my head doctor?
Alice: Everything was going fine. I was over-achieving per usual when I suddenly anticipated the worst and blacked-out. What do you suggest?
HD: Stay away from flash cards.
Alice: Thanks doc! How much do you I owe you?
HD: one million dollars.
Alice: Sold!
That’s how therapy works, btw fyi bbq.

Shame Rings

Friday, September 16th, 2011

Here’s some math: I ate 1.5 krispy kreme shame doughnut rings this morning at our office meeting because I am a professional and professionals have to attend Friday morning office meetings. Did you know that confidence intervals have a negative relationship with krispeecremeshamenut rings? Truth. That means right now I’m running at about a 15% confidence interval with a 90% chance of stormy tears. I don’t even know what that means. But it feels right. I tried to balance the system by going to the San Jose farmer’s market but choices make me anxious so I went to the $1 mix-’n-match station and try to break the bank on peaches. Then I did subtle squats in my office cubicle. Awkward?

In other news friendship Dana is out of town this weekend but her girlfriends invited me to a party which I think means I am advancing in the friendship circle and in life in general so this is not just other news this is great news. The bad news is I have a 7:30am headdoctor appointment tomorrow morning. Drunk therapy is the worst. I tried to talk my headdoctor into a later time but he’s famous and has other committments, so I talked him from 7am to 7:30am. This means I will only slur 45% of my words instead of 65% (more math). But maybe this will also help with my train of thought feelings purging? Let me know if this is TMI. Dad do you know what TMI means? Speaking of acronyms last week at my professional office where I work because I’m a professional I had to fill out an employee survey and the answers are going to be presented at our company-wide retreat in 2 weeks and one of the questions asked, What’s your favorite word? And I was like, EASY Modigliani and then they asked Ok what’s your least favorite word? And I was like DUH Utica (sahre). And then they were like, What’s your favorite transportation acronym? And I was like Are you kidding? JSK! I own this survey. Speaking of which:

Srsly. What a spice nugget right? How much longer until HoBaB jr is blogging about her favorite acronym ACS?

Um

Wednesday, September 14th, 2011

While I spent the weekend reading Streetsblog, eating local avocados, and biking through the Presidio, SarahSweet went to Indiana and did this:

SarahSweetershootingguns

It’s hard to say who’s winning. But last time I checked, gun beats boxing glove?

In other news, she also started her own Fleeker page. More here. Live action here.

Bike fall down boom ouch

Sunday, September 11th, 2011

Yesterday I went for a bike ride on a real bike like a cycling bike and the bad news is I took zero photographs mostly because I was concentrating really hard on not falling over because breaking news I fell last weekend. I was biking on a bike with clip-in cycling shoes and I came to a stop and forgot I was wearing clip-in cycling shoes and I fell down kaboom. It didn’t hurt except for mostly the pride that is bruised inside of my confidence intervals and also maybe my knee which was crushed (like my feelings). And I think also my hand because the day after the pride-fall I had boxing with my dancing trainer and he said ok Right hook and I hit his glove and said Ouch. And he said Again! And I said Ouch. Punch-ouch-punch-ouch-repeat. And that went on for about 12 reps before I said I think my hand broked. He called me a wimp and this is apparently supposed to build boxing confidence but instead I just pouted and drank my sippy cup. But great news yesterday I did not fall with my clip-in shoes. I wanted to take a photo and send it to Uncle Paul because he is good at the biking and three times we have gone biking once on a tandem and once I wore real cycling shoes and toe clips and I beat him up a hill and he was impressed and this made me happy. I don’t know what route I took yesterday but I went over the Gate of Golden Bridge and then took a left. Then I went up a very steep hill and I almost passed out but I did not pass out and this was good. The Mercedes I think is jealous. I am mostly writing this post to prove that I am somehow slowly blending into San Francisco where everybody bikes and wear outdoor performance gear to their lunch meetings. I signed up at REI and now I get discounts which means I can buy more outdoor performance gear to wear even when I am performing indoor activities like listening to Philip Glass, steaming my professional clothes with my new steamer from blood, bath, and beyond, or eating trader joe’s shrimp thai gyozas, or doing all three at once BAM!  But really have you tried steaming? It’s the zen of ironing without the back-pain of leaning over an ironing board. I know. I can’t believe it took me this long. The end.

Secret Blogging Cab Alliteration Edition (update)

Tuesday, September 6th, 2011

Secret Blogging! Email to internet in three (3!) easy and secret steps! UPDATE: False. Blogging from roast phones doesn’t work. Here’s the full post.

Yesterday morning I got into a cab and when I got in the cab the cab driver turned around and greeted me with eye contact and a smile and I said Hello! And he said Hello! And I said, To Boardman place I go! And he said Boardman place? And I said Boardman Place! In between Bryant and Brannan! That is a lot of B’s. Boardman! Bryant! Brannan! And he gave me eye contact in his rear view mirror and said, Yes that is a lot of B’s. Do you work with language? And I said, What? And he said not a lot people would think of alliteration in a cab you must be a writer. And I said no, and he said are you sure? And then I was convinced that somehow HoBaB had gone public and he was outing me as a blogher who puts feelings in alliteration on the internet and this made me both terrified and thrilled at the same time right and just as I was about to say Actually… I put my feelings on the intern… he said, You must just like poetry and I said yes that’s it, and then he said, Boardman? And I said yes, and he said, They should rename it Boardwoman.


This happened in Portland

Thursday, September 1st, 2011

Here we are. Eating half a dozen voodoo donuts on a Saturday.

That pink box is filled with half a dozen donuts. THE SHAME.

More here.