Archive for February, 2009

Oh no

Friday, February 27th, 2009

The atmosphere in the 3′ by 4′ cubicle I share with my 200 word paragraph bossman is one of quiet diligence. As I toil away at one laptop, he sits a mere thirty inches behind me, writing what I can only assume are 400 word paragraphs. Occasionally the phone rings and it is his girlfriend requesting marriage proposals or babies. At other times, the fax rings. Sometimes, he initiates the phone calls, which are the worst of all. He begins all of his conversations by screaming into the telephone. This is no exaggeration and I wish I had a font to demonstrate his completely impractical decibel level. There is no warning for his outbursts. I cannot hear his finger hold down the speed dial. I have no time to brace for impact. And I, without fail, always awkwardly jolt with shock and discomfort.

It turns out the bossman does not write 400 word paragraphs. Yesterday he called the internet company because he was having trouble sending out email. I could not hear the questions on the other end, but I gathered enough from his responses because he would repeat the question back and follow up with incomplete sentences. “Do I send out a lot of email? Well ya…a lot of.. I don’t. Am I a spammer? *defensive laughter* I mean.. some people might call.. interpret what I.. but I don’t scavenge for …uh.. addresses.. it’s all..people sign up ….voluntary so i guess by definition.”

I’m an accomplice. A spammer accomplice. I feel like I’m letting myself everyone Sean down.

Big News!

Thursday, February 26th, 2009

HoBaB received the highest hits ever on Tuesday with a record-breaking 32 visits!  32!!  I was giving myself high-fives (clapping?) when I realized that I, in fact, might be solely responsible for this feat.  Blogging is really complicated, and there’s no way to totally verify how many times I, the blogger, actually visit the site without counting the visits out loud to myself (15, 16).  I usually check my post afterward for spelling mistakes, which seems futile, right Peter?, but it’s hard to say how often.  I guess I could ask everyone to refrain from checking HoBaB for a day so I can keep track of my own visits but I’m vulnerable/sensitive and fear my HoBaB graph-o-self esteem might be too crushing.  I’m hesitant to put this post in “Popular.”  Let’s do both for karma.

trains

Oh hey, let’s also take a look at this neat train graph!  Sean, can you make t-shirts/stickers/drink coasters with the different city transit systems for your birthday that doesn’t exist this year?  Thanks.

Mrs Mayor

Thursday, February 26th, 2009

Tonight I did something I absolutely forbade myself from doing this summer: I paid admission to an urban planning lecture.  Scandal.  I know, but the line-up was hard to resist and I bought the ticket last week when I was feeling vulnerable.  I took the hour-long train ride up to the Museum of the City of New York at 103 street and 5th ave.  I hadn’t seen bff Janette Sadik-Kahn in weeks and spent the majority of the commute daydreaming about conversations we’ve never had, but let me tell you it’s a good thing she wasn’t there because my heart was soon stolen and aflutter to the sweet sweet amplified voice of speaker, lecturer, and former Milwaukee, Wisconsin Mayor, John O. Norquist.  This, of course, was unexpected, but, as you may remember, not the first time I have been swept off my feet with city stats and PowerPoint slides.  Oh how he wooed me with romantic musings on Minnesota highway projects, interstate Amtrak funding, and bridge steel.  Though, to be honest, I do think this is only a crush.  He’s not my type, and by type I mean he’s not bald, 73, or dancing.  Nevertheless, he does make urban planning magic and work in Chicago so maybe the next time I fly in dressed in my ball gown I’ll stop by and request a job private slide show.  What does that even mean?  But really, I’m trying to hunt down his presentation online because it has some really good before and after photos of Detroit.  Wutadream.

9:20a – 9:12p

Tuesday, February 24th, 2009

In a strange series of events, the following happened today:

At 9:20am Fritchey said, It’s 9:20am.  I was, in fact, already awake, but had been lying in bed for some time to avoid starting yet another day of waiting for jobs money acceptance letters interviews marriage proposals anything really. Waiting is exhausting and it seems this morning the wear and tear of anticipation reached an all time peak and my feelings imploded.  I’m not sure what that means but I think it’s the premise of Ground Hog Day.

At 12:45pm I received a text from KJL asking if finishing grad school apps made the GRE worth while, to which I replied, first and silently to myself, which is creepy but true, I hate you GRE, and then to KJL, It’ll be worth it when I get into school.

The rest of the day involved living room sit-ups with Gilad, 200 word paragraphs, and bouillon cube vegetable soup.  I live the life of a budget single housewife who neither lives in a house nor is a wife, which I’m pretty sure perfectly defines the transition from a quarter life crisis straight to a mid-life crisis, wrapped into one neat, imploding package.

And then, at 9:12pm, I was admitted to the Department of City and Regional Planning at the University of Pennsylvania’s School of Design for Fall 2009.

holy. f.

Baby’s First Planning Book

Monday, February 23rd, 2009

Baby Book

Never too soon to start thinking baby shower registry ahead!  Thanks, NYTimes.

Academy Awards

Monday, February 23rd, 2009

The FreetZ, Taylor, and I spend most of last night cringing at Hugh Jackman’s dance numbers and criticizing Angelina Jolie while Slumdog Millionaire crushed the awards.  Welp, I feel like an asshole.  Of course when Kate Winslet got up to accept her award and asked her dad to whistle I wept.  The point is, after the whole show we had a conference call with Sean Tice who was on location in Beverly Hills to give us his thoughts, most of which were angry.  Technology to the maxx!

Post-Oscar Conference Call


PS. Taylor has a blog.

They’re On To Me for Real

Saturday, February 21st, 2009

Alright don’t hate me but Ma Sweet, Cousin Nat, and I went to see the Will Ferrell show last night, You’re Welcome America. A Final Night with George W. Bush.  He was very tall and very funny and blah blah blah but I have to say, if you’re going to see a show and you have roughly $49.50 – $52.50 in your pocket, go see Mike Birbiglia’s Sleepwalk With Me.  There was no comparison.  Mike’s show was so much more personal, clever, and laugh out loud funny.  Will Ferrell’s show had some good bits, and some bad bits.  If you’re a millionaire, see both.  Otherwise, bet on Mike.

Speaking of millionaires, I stole more fruit from the gym this morning.  I was back in the hotel room, peeling my gratis orange, and watching an E! show about the world’s most expensive purses, shoes, and cocktails, when I heard, And, if you want to try the most expensive breakfast in the world, head on over to Norma’s in Le Parker Meridien hotel where you can enjoy The Zillion Dollar Lobster Frittata!   A zillion dollar frittata for a zillion dollar friends?  Hahahahha!, the chef laughed in my face, of course it’s not really a zillion dollars, that’s just the name. It’s a thousand dollars.

Here’s a photo of me trying to emulate a millionaire Sean Tice Sean Tice (let’s be honest).

Alex Chigurh

I was trying to look popular and riche but instead, as the FreetZ so bravely pointed out, I looked more like this.

They’re On To Me

Friday, February 20th, 2009

fruit thief

Perhaps I have always been encouraged by the phrase, “Fake it till you make it,” I once heard from a friend who was asking people for millions of dollars to produce a movie, but it seems I have a history of feeling like an impostor. And my recent spree at fancy hotels has been no exception. It’s strange to walk in, board the elevator with lots of women with furry coats/hats/husbands, and then, after using the gym, load up on the complimentary fruit and green tea packets. I try to play it cool as if going to the hotel’s gym and hoarding up on free things is a normal part of my millionaire mornings. Have a great day, I beam, before my hand hesitates above the fruit bowl and I decide to take just a banana, and not a banana and an apple and an orange; that would be selfish. (see photo representation above – must perfect more fluid fruit-grab movement and eliminate hesitation they will catch on) And so now, as I’m sitting in this lovely hotel while Mama is away learning feelings, I am paralyzed about where to find lunch. In an effort to conserve money/calories/self-esteem I have found myself in a fairly satisfying meal routine at home that is cheap, fulfilling, and nutritious. And now that I am away from the Switchey nest, I feel panicked. In a bold and unrecommended move, I took a looksie at the hotel’s brunch menu where I couldn’t understand what the number 20 represented next to the pancakes. Pancakes for 20 friends? This makes no sense! It’s fun to pretend to be a millionaire until you’re hungry. Our room’s minibar has an electronic sensor so it knows if you move things. That means I can’t even pick up, coddle, and swiftly return the Snicker’s bar without being charged $15. This place is a tease.

Comedy

Thursday, February 19th, 2009

Lalala let’s go to Israel then eat some steak and see a show!  Typical.  But it’s true, apparently everyone wants to go to Israel because the let’s-go-to-Israel website kept freezing.  Questions include: Are you Jewish?  Check.  Are you employed?  Check-ish.  Why do you want to go to Israel?  Duh!  To go hiking, get skinny, and meet Jewish husbands boyfriends!  But really, then Ma Sweet flew in, we ate some steak, then got tired, so we drank some coffee and went to see Mike Birbiglia in his show, Sleepwalk With Me.  omg if you have $49.50 just hanging out in your parent’s Sean’s boyfriend’s employment paycheck, you should go because he is a dreamboat.  A funny dreamboat! (redundant)  Or you can play the free game and subscribe to the This American Life podcast and hope to catch one of his radio stories.   The end.

Whee!

Wednesday, February 18th, 2009

 

highspeedrail

High Speed Rail!