Archive for February, 2008

Hemp Bum Bar. Really?

Wednesday, February 27th, 2008

Bum Bar

After purchasing eco-friendly clothing detergent at my local eco-friendly bodega, I was craving a snack and decided to stop into Pumpkins Organic Market, where they advertise delicious “vegan treats.” After perusing the organic mushrooms, jars of curry powder, and environmentally friendly dark chocolate-covered organic raisins, I settled on this: A Hemp/Apricot Bum Bar. The happiness that it brought me was unprecedented! But I’ll tell you what didn’t make me happy, it cost $3.00. The price of unprecedented delicious organic vegan happiness is going to crush my bank account. I can’t wait to marry a millionaire who can buy these for me in bulk. Oh look at that.

Girlfriends, Sudoku and Pretty, Pretty Hair.

Sunday, February 24th, 2008

Appearance

Peter read this article to me when we were in a Park Slope coffee shop trying to make new friends. It didn’t work out so well because he spent most of the time flipping through magazines picking out a future girlfriend, while I played sudoku. There was a female near us giggling at the same article, but when I asked him what he thought he replied, “Hotness?” and pointed to a 6 on my sudoku grid. Sahre.

The following is an excerpt from Love: Is It Worth It? The L Magazine, Feb 13-26, 08. The Pros and Cons of your appearance when you’re single.

Pro

With very few other people in your life to consider and/or care about, you have plenty of “me” time to primp, preen and make yourself look more or less like the Banana Republic ad that’s been staring at you from your bedside table every long, lonely night. As the primary object of your own time and attention, you actually decide to try the repeat step of wash, rinse repeat, and you secretly attempt a juice fast. And guess what? Your hair is healthier and shinier than it’s ever been, and you’re saving a ton of cash by avoiding most solid foods. And you’re certain that people are noticing your sexy self. Somebody appreciates your pretty, pretty hair.

Con

Our solipsistic skin-care regimen and obsessive wardrobe accumulation is not only hard on the bank account (see Finances), but you’re beginning to wonder if you’ll die alone in a pile of organic body butter jars and overpriced woolen accessories. Late at night, you picture the discovery of your professionally massaged and moisturized corpse and (though you look great) you wonder if your life wouldn’t have been more fulfilling had you pointed your love ray outward rather than inward. Still, you take comfort in knowing that you’ll look great at your funeral. Have you seen what a fat guy looks like in a casket? Not cute.

S’famous

Thursday, February 21st, 2008

During my senior year at Pomfret School, the Latin teacher’s wife, Mrs. Chase, an anthropologist, interviewed us on Sunday evenings after study hall. She lured the girls on my hall into the common room then fed us brownies and asked us about our feelings. Eight years later, her book, Perfectly Prep, is ready for purchase. Oh, look who’s on the cover.

Sarah wins. Again.

Perfectly Prep

Touch It / Technologic

Wednesday, February 20th, 2008

A sample from my “Park Slope Stay-at-Home Mom/I Work Out at Off-Peak Hours Gym Mix.” Daft Punk. REMIX. So 1997 ten years later.

(Ignore the link below)

[audio:http://www.jockandbuttons.com/alex/wp-content/audio/Touch%20It%20Technologic.mp3]

Poetry

Tuesday, February 19th, 2008

This is Just to Say
I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

William Carlos Williams (1934)

—-

Just to let you know
I took the flowers
off the side table
by the couch,

because the sexy little bitches
spew pollen on the
blindingly virginal couch arm.

So oversexed, so jealous.

Sarah Marie Fritchey (email, 2008)

Macbeth!

Saturday, February 16th, 2008

Macbeth

Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon the stage,
And then is heard no more; it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing. (5.5.16)

Really into her dress, btw. William Shatner was in the audience and must have given Pat Stew one huge half time pep talk because the second half got me really revved up. It also might have been the $15 sandwich we purchased at the concession stand during intermission. It was arealla delicious. Then we went to Juniors where Sean and I drank dirty martinis and ate a slice of cheesecake. Perfect.

Sean_Junior’s

MonoFace

Friday, February 15th, 2008

MonoFace

Creepy. Play here.

Chicago Goes for it

Thursday, February 14th, 2008

Bike Lane

I used to roller blade to work daily. Don’t judge me. But when one day I, and my confidence, plummeted to the ground, I abandoned ‘blading and took up biking. Unfortunately, upon moving to Wicker Park, the bike lanes were congested and dangerous and I never felt entirely safe biking through downtown to my office. Apparently now Chicago is really going for the Greenest City award and implementing their Bike 2015 plan which they started in 2002. Their goal is to make 5 percent of city trips under 5 miles into bicycle trips by 2015. THAT makes me happy.

Technical Difficulties

Tuesday, February 12th, 2008

Alright calm down. The video links aren’t working. Sean Tice is going to fix everything on Thursday. In the meantime, think about not doing this to your cat:

Heart Cat

PSTDS

Sunday, February 10th, 2008

PSTDS

PSTDS (Post Sweet Trip Depression Syndrome)