Archive for the ‘I'm Uncomfortable’ Category

Professional Look of the Day?

Saturday, January 28th, 2012

Here is the professional look of the day as modeled by Alice Wheat on the Caltraincycle.

Looking good Alice

Want this look? Here’s how!

1) go grey

2) put your hair in a pony tail with a rubber band

3) take your ponytail down. but not quite.

4) watch your confidence intervals sky rocket and by sky rocket I mean nose dive.

In related news: Ma Sweet gets mad when I put ugly photos of myself on the internet.

What I meant to say

Tuesday, October 11th, 2011

There are two rules to House of Bland and Blog do you want to know what they are? Ok.
Rule #1. No Blogging at work
Rule #2. No Blogging about gentleman friends

Coincidentally one must now imagine which two activities are taking up all of my time every time all the time every day (hint I am almost bending rule #2)

The difficulty in not blogging when you’re with the two things you’re not supposed to blog about is that HoBaB has endured what is widely known in blogging as a feelings desert. It’s painful, I think, for both the blog and the blogger. I end up feeling like a negligent pet owner, right? If HoBaB were a camel? In the desert?

But really sometimes when I am feeling particularly antsy for HoBaB and I am with my gentleman friend I will sneak into the other room and pretend to write emails when really I am secretly editing a feelings draft for HoBaB. It feels shameful I start to sweat and get paranoid and look over my shoulder while crouching in the corner with the lights off and when I am gone long enough he will come into the dark room to find me and I’ll slam my laptop shut and say Nothing! Haha! Internet!

After a desperate and failed attempt to blog on my roast phone this past weekend I started to feel like maybe HoBaB wasn’t going to make it. And if HoBaB didn’t make it, what would happen to me? Where do all the feelings go if not on the internet? If you have a feeling and it doesn’t go in the internet and nobody’s around did the tree make a sound in the woods?

Ironically there is plenty of time to blog after work when there is a period of about an hour when my gentleman friend works on his science homework and I read all of my shopping emails (gender equality) and I think maybe he won’t notice my pink and red HoBaB banner. But he’s very observant (science!) and good at the internet (dream) so I figured it was only a matter of time.

You might think that this story has a happy ending. That last night after sitting alone in my bathroom typing my feelings furiously onto the internet the guilt became too much and I walked into my room where my gentleman friend was working on his science homework and while struggling to catch my breath I’d stand there crying and hugging my laptop in the door frame until I finally wailed, I HAVE A BLOG!

Very dramatic. And after all the secrets were released I could blog freely and openly and HoBaB would be like a leaping jumping grinning camel in a sunny damp rainforest of internet dreams.

Instead I’m writing this on my roast phone on the traincycle. Alone. But, in the end the first step, I think, is acknowledging the circumstances and, apparently, dismissing rule #2, at least for now. Ergo, this post. So. There it is.

Tune in next time when I tell you about the time in LA I went to Disneyland with /jec and Grandpa Lou. It’ll be great.

Shame Rings

Friday, September 16th, 2011

Here’s some math: I ate 1.5 krispy kreme shame doughnut rings this morning at our office meeting because I am a professional and professionals have to attend Friday morning office meetings. Did you know that confidence intervals have a negative relationship with krispeecremeshamenut rings? Truth. That means right now I’m running at about a 15% confidence interval with a 90% chance of stormy tears. I don’t even know what that means. But it feels right. I tried to balance the system by going to the San Jose farmer’s market but choices make me anxious so I went to the $1 mix-’n-match station and try to break the bank on peaches. Then I did subtle squats in my office cubicle. Awkward?

In other news friendship Dana is out of town this weekend but her girlfriends invited me to a party which I think means I am advancing in the friendship circle and in life in general so this is not just other news this is great news. The bad news is I have a 7:30am headdoctor appointment tomorrow morning. Drunk therapy is the worst. I tried to talk my headdoctor into a later time but he’s famous and has other committments, so I talked him from 7am to 7:30am. This means I will only slur 45% of my words instead of 65% (more math). But maybe this will also help with my train of thought feelings purging? Let me know if this is TMI. Dad do you know what TMI means? Speaking of acronyms last week at my professional office where I work because I’m a professional I had to fill out an employee survey and the answers are going to be presented at our company-wide retreat in 2 weeks and one of the questions asked, What’s your favorite word? And I was like, EASY Modigliani and then they asked Ok what’s your least favorite word? And I was like DUH Utica (sahre). And then they were like, What’s your favorite transportation acronym? And I was like Are you kidding? JSK! I own this survey. Speaking of which:

Srsly. What a spice nugget right? How much longer until HoBaB jr is blogging about her favorite acronym ACS?

Sure. No, I’m fine.

Thursday, June 30th, 2011

Off to the last session with my head doctor. This should be painless.

UPDATE: Nope false wrong. Having the last appointment with a head doctor is like getting 150 band-aids ripped off at once. The worst part is that you’ve known about the great band-aid rip-off for months and then instead of ripping the band-aids off really fast like “tada that wasn’t so bad right?” the whole scene takes a breezy 50 minutes. Right?  Let me know if this post makes anyone uncomfortable. Not nearly as uncomfortable as the plane apocalypse one. That was a mistake.

UPDATE 2: Apparently these posts do make people uncomfortable. “You just have a lot of feelings right now,” Ma Sweet

I’m scared

Sunday, June 19th, 2011

I’m at the Chicago Midway Airplane Station waiting for my connection to SFO. I found myself one of the luxury seats with a side table and also plugs and it is facing the runway and I am staring as Southwest planes take off one after the other which I initially thought might assuage my feelings of terror by convincing my rational self that metal tubes magically float through the air like every 3 minutes but my neck still hurts from anxiety tension muscle spasms from earlier mid-flight turbulence. I am also blasting Bette Midler’s “You gotta have Friends” and am 55% tempted to unplug my headphones and pretend I don’t notice on the slight chance that all the other passengers are thinking the same thing and, on cure, jump into line, throw their jazz hands in the air, and give a proud chorus of cabaret knee kicks. That would distract me from 92% of my flight terrors for sure.

In other news. Photos are up from ma sweet’s graduation. Here’s a preview. More here.

Here we are

Oh no

Saturday, March 26th, 2011

Has anyone visited Peter lately? Apparently things are going downhill at Dartmouth Community College. I’m trying to keep his confidence intervals up but all he wants to do is eat raw cake mix and watch the weather channel.


Monday, February 14th, 2011

This morning I got up at 7am no 8am. I got up at 8am because I slept in because I stayed up late last night doing crossword puzzles. I stayed up late last night doing crossword puzzles because I do crossword puzzles when I’m anxious and last night I did crossword puzzles for like an hour and a half whoops.  I woke up at 8am and then I made a mad dash to campus to hear a talk by a candidate for a transportation faculty position at Penn and she talked about old people and driving my two favorite things. I went in my gym clothes because I figured the room would be big and it would be dark and nobody would be there and I would sit in the back. Turns out the room was small and it was bright and every faculty member of our department was there and the dept chair made me sit in the front row. In my sweats. Nice work Alice.

Then I biked to the head doctor and we talked about me for an hour (my favorite) and then I said ” wow you have a lot of books about narcissism on your shelf” and he said, “yes I bought them all after our first session together… ok our time is up see you next week.”

Then I went to the gym and did fitty pushups and then went to leave and saw they had a small valentine’s day table set up with carnations and chocolate and a muscle man was sitting there and he talked to me but I couldn’t understand his accent so I took two chocolates and winked. Right choice? Then I biked to campus and gave a presentation for three development proposal concepts for a Philadelphia TOD (a what?) and then Jeffrey said let’s have dinner at the dining hall and I said how? and he said, because I have dining dollars because I’m an RA it’s on me! So Jeffrey and I went to the Penn undergrad dining hall where I ate a salad and mac and cheese and a bowl of ice cream and a glass of chocolate milk. Then I biked home and played Dead Things on the piano.

Happy Valentine’s Day!

Here’s me on a valentine’s day date at the dining hall.

Valentine's Double-Date in the Dining Hall

Here’s me playing Dead Things on the piano.


Sunday, February 6th, 2011

The news is that my highschool/college boyfriend is engaged. Do I talk about these things on HoBaB? Does this make you uncomfortable? I didn’t think the engagement would have any effect on my feelings but this morning I went to the gym and then I went to Macy’s and returned two unwanted omg-i’m-going-to-Aruba-I-need-bikinis that I bought in early September and then bee-lined it for West Elm and spent 45 minutes window shopping for pillow shams, buffet tables, and opaque window panels. The whole event was like some sort of sub-conscious not-being-engaged-won’t-stop-me-from-nesting field trip. Maybe I wanted to blend with the rest of the window shopping wifes in spandex and baggus. I came home and set up my new items like domestic trophies on my window sill. And by new items I mean a woven wicker basket, milk-pitcher vase, and dried twig branches wtf? They look great though srsly this place is really coming together.

Black Swan.

Monday, January 17th, 2011

On Saturday Dana, Kaitlin, and I went to the Lincoln Plaza Cinemas to see Black Swan (trailer) at 4:10pm and do you know who goes to the Lincoln Plaza Cinemas at 4:10pm on Saturdays to see movies? Old people. There was a long line of people in their 80’s and they all wanted to see Barney’s Version because old people love Paul Giamatti but the 4:15pm an 5:10pm showings of Barney’s Version were sold out so then they saw the poster for Black Swan and thought, omg we love the ballet! And so they purchased their tickets for a movie that is about the ballet but mostly about anorexic ballerinas making out with each other and then they sat down next to Dana, Kaitlin, and me and that’s how I watched a soft-core porn with my grandparents. Offensive?

This woman sat in front of me. The end.