Archive for the ‘The Switchey's’ Category

Trader Margaritas

Friday, July 17th, 2009

Last night was supposed to be Fix-Your-Own-Bike night at an evening bike workshop on the LES but the called for aggressive thunderstorms so I didn’t bring my bike to work and then it was 6:30p and it was sunny out but I didn’t have my bike and I was like ughhhhhhhhhhh so I decided to walk home to vent and by doing so I went into two stores I hate.  Oh Urban Outfitters and Trader Joe’s, why must your prices be so seductively low?   I bought hummus for $1.79 and a fuchsia t-shirt for $4.99.

By the time I had climbed the slope that is Park Slope the FreetZ was arriving off the train so we drank frozen margarita’s until midnight and cried about our impending trial separation “it doesn’t have to be forever! this is for the best! is that a coal factory painted into the jungle wall mural?”


Also yesterday I went rollerblading for the first time all summer and IT.FELT.GREAT. but today my ankles hurt. sports are hard.

Where are all the quarters?

Wednesday, July 1st, 2009

Where are all the quarters?, originally uploaded by acsweet.

I woke up this morning at 8:00am to the FreetZ sifting through coins looking for laundry quarters.  She was dressed for work and running around the apartment, hanging cardigans from whatever hooks she could find. Oh god, I said. Did you really do your laundry this morning? Yep, she said, running past me. Was anyone else there? Are you kidding? She said. We live in Park Slope and it’s 8am. In mommytime that’s like 3 o’clock in the afternoon, I’ve already been up for four hours.

The Switcheys Reunite Kind Of

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

You know when you read about celebrity couples breaking up because their schedules are just so busy and they just haven’t had time to see each other and it’s all very sad but still very amicable and they hope to remain the best of friends?  I think the FreetZ came home from Europe on Monday, though I can’t be sure.  Someone was sleeping in her bed when I got home these past two nights, but when I returned tonight, no one was there.  I can just see our story featured in this Fall’s Hamilton Alumni Magazine.

“The FreetZ and the Svede amicably went their separate ways in August after two years of living together in Brooklyn.  ‘I love her.  I always will,’ says the Svede.  ‘But we had busy schedules.  We had different schedules.’  When rumors flew that the FreetZ was off gallivanting around Rome with another bff, the Svede shrugged it off.  ‘We’ve always supported each other, and I think we’ll continue to do just that.’ The FreetZ, who couldn’t immediately be reached for comment, later sent us a personal blog post linking to her most recent collage work, a construction paper and glue piece entitled, Ditchey the Switchey.”

Update: she’s back!

Switchey – Fritchey = Solo

Tuesday, June 9th, 2009

For the next two weeks I am Fritcheyless.  The FreetZ has gone to Switzerland to sell art.  The night before her departure I sat in bed sorting through my federal grant application status while she modeled a dozen or so moderately priced slinky black numbers from H&M.  Would you buy art from me in this?  Yes, yes, yes, omg not in those shoes.  After she may or may not sell a Barry Le Va piece to Brad Pitt, the FreetZ will be public-transporting it to Italy where she will have a week long meet and greet with her bff, who is in residence studying architecture.

At one point some time ago in a conversation about the FreetZ’s bff, someone looked at me and said, oh my this is uncomfortable.  What?  Well, that the FreetZ has a bff.  I later recalled the story to FreetZ, who, in turn replied, well duh, she’s my soulmate, but you’re my wife.

So here I am, at home, cleaning up the dishes, watering the plants, sprinting after the Mr. Softee truck by myself, and waiting for ma petite to return.

In the meantime, is there is even internet in Switzerland (are they 2.0?), perhaps she will update her blog, iRhinocerous using her computer blackberry flip phone a wifi art installation.

10:34 Monday Night

Monday, May 11th, 2009

Businessmen Love Ice Cream

“This would be such a great ploy to sabotage a business meeting.  Just hand out ice cream cones.  I can’t do anything right now.”  The FreetZ eating Mr. Softee by herself in the dark in the living room.

Text of the Day

Monday, March 30th, 2009

“Woman!  Hmph… ur our new bread maker. I wish i made more so u could stay home w the plants.”  Husband FreetZ after my first day at work.

Domestic Bliss

Tuesday, January 13th, 2009

In an effort to finally feel “moved in” after fourteen months of living in our apartment, we have spent far too much money, effort, and time rearranging our furniture and buying textiles.  I forgot to mention that I spent three hours on Sunday at Sleepy’s, the mattress professionals.  Sean asked me to come along while he bought a new mattress set.  There is nothing wrong with this.  I, in fact, needed a bed frame.  Naturally, the mattress store manager, Ralph, wanted to know our names and our relationship before we tried out the beds and he made any assumptions.  Boyfriend girlfriend? Brother sister? Just friends? He asked.  All of the above?  omg tjk too much? Just friends.  Everything was cleared up and going great until Sean couldn’t find a mattress he liked.  I sat on one, which Ralph referred to as a European style pillow-top (thank you), and I said, Oh popular this is just like the one I have.  Oh ya, Sean said, your bed is the best.  This, to Ralph, was confusing.  In effort to make matters worse, we paid together, requested separate receipts, and high-fived while I asked what Sean was buying me for lunch.  The point is the Freets and I also spent five hours buying window treatments today and are on our way to living in a space of overpriced rental bliss.  Here is a photo of the FreetZ rearranging our DVD collection and watching The Shining at the same time.  Like I even needed to point that out.


Alright Calm Down

Monday, January 12th, 2009

 This has happened before. Things happen, I have so much to say, and then Le Parker Meridien charges $16.75 for internet access. Needless to say, my post has been delayed. And, in order to get this out quickly enough to go buy heavy curtains with the FreetZ from a sustainable, local business Target, I will make this brief.

Ma Sweet was in town again learning things and spending money, so naturally we went to Nougatine, a Jean-Georges restaurant in the Trump Tower. Ma Sweet wore her purple fur and I donned her fur hat. We tried to blend but ultimately failed because we decided to give the restaurant two stars on our Yelp Review (in progress). Here’s a photo of me when I hadn’t yet tried the food. So optimistic.


We were sitting next to a woman who was a self-appointed groupie of the Nougatine pastry chef. That’s nice, my mother and I said to her face. But secretly we were judging. I mean, really? It was the kind of place with desserts like this. Unsustainable urban planning desserts. Nouga-nothanks.


Blah blah, then I went to Sean Tice’s apartment where we argued about worked on a top secret project for five hours, etc, etc. The point is, I spent my entire Sunday rearranging the Switchey Compound with the Freetz . We assumed this would take 3 hours, but were awake until an hour I prefer not to publicize. We purged a lot of our heavy feelings furniture by putting it on the street and making the mistake of posting a craigslist ad. This only invites unwanted email from people who want things. When I told Pete that we were getting rid of the kitchen table, he said, But where are we going to have pumpkin carving next year? That Peter, always thinking about fun!

goodbye table

Swayze Singles

Wednesday, January 7th, 2009

sahre swayze

I had a dream last night about Patrick Swayze. He was leaning casually against a car talking jovially while I was listening half-interested until I remembered that he is sick with the cancer and then I felt guilty for being bored. I don’t know what this means.

Speaking of movies, the FreetZ and I were finally reunited last night after weeks of separation. She presented me with a present (Singles! on DVD), and I presented her with a proposition to rearrange the entire apartment to better suit my stay-at-home-mom-work needs. Everyone wins!

Then her doctuh bf came over after practicing pediatrician skillz on his new baby nephew and we complained about Benjamin Button for two hours. Fritchey was announcing that it was the worst movie ever made until the doctuh interrupted and said, No, the Chronicles of Narnia is the worst movie ever made and I said, but at least it wasn’t nominated for best picture and then we all became quiet and somber and agreed that Hollywood cannot be trusted and we should only watch youtube and foreign films. Sahre Swayze.

Email of the Day

Wednesday, November 19th, 2008

Dear top chef, I will dream of sausage pies…
Fluffed white hat, muffin to the moon;
working through sirens, on baited, antique sheets.

For health and life!  Poverty naught ruin!
One day you will have big fat kitchen
to match your heart, and slow-roast chicken.